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'My daughter wants me to raise her baby - she refuses to put it up for adoption'


By Eve Wagstaff

07:00, 11 Feb 2024


A mother has asked for advice on how to handle her daughter after she confessed she was pregnant and wanted her mum to raise the child as her own



The daughter has left it too late to have an abortion (Stock Photo) (Image: Getty Images)


A mum is facing backlash after telling her pregnant teenage daughter that she didn't want to raise her baby, her grandchild, and instead told her to put it up for adoption. Revealing it was too late to terminate the pregnancy, the parent admitted the situation was tearing their family apart.


Sharing the dilemma on social media, the woman stated that her daughter has been difficult to live with the last few years as she struggled to find her own identity. She wrote: “My daughter came to me at 16 and said she was non-binary, but only sometimes. She wanted me to ask her every day what day it was and then refer to her as that pronoun of the day.”


The mum stated that she was understanding of her daughter’s feelings but after a couple of weeks, she seemed to grow bored of it and asked to be referred to as she/her again. That was two years ago, and the mum confessed that the last year had been a real struggle.


She went on: “She wanted to take a break a year before she goes to community college, but can’t keep a job. Apparently, retail situations are too phobic against her non-binary state. My child looks/acts/dresses exactly like a young adult female. When I ask how people are being phobic against her she gets as prickly as a cactus so I really don’t know the details.


“She’s been through four or five jobs this year, quit all of them. She won’t consider call centers that aren’t face-to-face because she doesn’t like to talk on phones, and is apparently looking for a remote job without any luck.


“But now she’s come to me and she’s five months pregnant. She’s very angry at me, says it’s my fault because I didn’t put her on puberty-blocking hormones when she came to me two years ago. She believes I am in fact trying to ‘feminize her’ by getting her birth control. The pill, and she’s been throwing her prescription away.”


The mum admitted that she probably overreacted to the news, calling her daughter an idiot. She added: “The hormone thing is a non-issue in my opinion because this is the first time I ever heard of her wanting hormones. What was I supposed to do? Go back in time?


“As for the birth control! It’s also the first time I’ve heard anything about this! There are non-pill options that don’t have estrogen. If that was her want, all she had to do was ask and I would have driven her to the doctor myself! Or she could have taken the car she has and done it.


“I know for a fact her old high school gave out free condoms like candy because her friends were always giggling over flavored sample packs and even blew a few of them up like balloons and left them around the house one time. She had all the birth control she could ever want and used none of it.”


The mum explained that now at five months her daughter is well past the point of being able to have an abortion. She continued: “She’s known she was pregnant since about two months and has come to think of her baby like a sibling.


She expects me to raise it like it was mine. “That this is my duty, in fact, because she says it is my refusal to accept her non-binary state that led to her being pregnant. So she was going to get a brother or sister and I was going to have another child. I said I would absolutely not raise her baby for her.”


Confessing that she screamed and shouted at her daughter over her irresponsible behaviour, the mum admitted that she felt bad as she knows how pregnancy hormones can make you feel.


But she went on: “I also don’t know where to go from here. Being pregnant sucks and messes with your head, so I’d like to blame that and the fear she must be feeling, I have the bad feeling I either raised a spoiled brat or someone with an emerging personality disorder.”


Wanting to hear opinions from people who aren’t emotionally involved and had more knowledge about being non-binary, the woman shared the story on Reddit and asked for advice.


People rushed to offer their wisdom on the sensitive subject, with one person writing: “I hate to say this, but; I sincerely hope your daughter chooses to give up this baby for adoption because she's a confused hot a** mess. I don't blame you for not wanting to step on the crazy train and raise this baby.”


And someone else penned: “Your child is in fact a little idiot, with behavior that would be an absolute nightmare had you not been their parent. Also, birth control isn’t a form of feminization, it’s a form of responsibility when you’re born in a body with a uterus and want to have sex that can result in pregnancy.”

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