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Single gay man from Hull speaks of 'whirlwind' of becoming dad of two

By Hayley Coyle

BBC News

Wayne, 40, first became an adoptive dad last November and is now about to adopt again

A single gay man from Hull has spoken of his experiences of adopting a child as he prepares to welcome a second youngster into his home.

Wayne, 40, became a father for the first time in November last year when he adopted a two-year-old girl.

One year on, Wayne said he was now preparing to adopt his daughter's biological sister.

He told the BBC: "I've gone from having no children to double that in a short space of time."

Wayne said that before adopting his first daughter, he had considered surrogacy after the law was changed to allow single gay people to have legal rights over a surrogate baby for the first time.

A close friend of his was to be the surrogate mother, but both embryo transfers - using his own sperm and a donor egg - had ended in miscarriages, he said.

Wayne said that the failed pregnancies, including an ectopic pregnancy, had resulted in a "dark cloud of a time" for both he and his friend, so they decided to not continue with IVF.

He said that before starting surrogacy he had looked into adoption, so he decided to revisit it as an option.

He got the process under way in May 2022, and eight months later he had adopted a little girl who was nearly a year old.

'Imposter syndrome'

Speaking on the BBC's Sex, Drugs & Lullabies fertility podcast, Wayne said the most important person in the adoption process was always the child at the heart of it.

"Adoption has to be about the individual child, and the idea of saving a child or being a hero is fundamentally no good," he said.

"If possible, the best case scenario is that the child stays with its parents - and you become the secondary option.

"If that's not possible, you have to think, what can you bring to the table?"

Wayne said he felt a sense of culture shock once he had adopted his daughter.

"It felt weird at first to say 'daughter'. I had total imposter syndrome and felt undeserving."

However, he described his first child as "incredible" and a "whirlwind", adding that he marvelled at the "joy she finds in the world".

Wayne says he will have "two under two" by the end of this year

Wayne said earlier this year he then received a call from his social worker with the news that his daughter's biological mother was having another baby.

He said he made the decision to adopt her as well, meaning his daughter would grow up with her sister.

He joked that it might be best to "get the nappy stage over and done with in one go".

Wayne said: "If I can, I want to give my daughter the chance to be biologically connected to another child. So by the end of November I will have two under two.

"My daughter having an intrinsic connection to another child is so important," he added.

Wayne's latest play, which explores his experiences of adopting and parenting, is due to be performed later in October.

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