Welcome to our 'Heart' family ❤️
- trushali Kotecha
- Jan 1
- 7 min read
Nov 28, 2025
When they stopped to rest, Mrs.Bear turned to Choco and said, “Choco, maybe I could be your mother.”
“You?” Choco cried
“But you aren’t yellow. And you don’t have wings, or big, round cheeks or striped feet like me!”
One of my all-time favourite books is a children’s book called ‘A Mother for Choco’. Published in 1992 and written by Japanese-American author Keiko Kasza, it is the story of a little bird named Choco who goes in search of his mother, who he believes will look like him, ultimately finding a mother in Mrs Bear who bears no physical resemblance to him but gives him the same unconditional love and safety that only mothers do.
I remember big, fat tears running down my face for 30 minutes straight when I first read this 30-page book a few years ago. The quest for a family that goes beyond sharing your genes and looks is not a new one for me. The feeling of longing, and ultimately belonging is such a familiar one.
We are a family by adoption. My little one came home during one Diwali month, and filled our lives with the kind of light ten thousand diyas cannot match up to. Her early sounds, like gurgles of water flowing over rocks, her little limbs that seemed sculpted from marble. Like every parent, biological or adoptive, we were smitten.
Ever so often, a question comes our way. Why did you choose to adopt? Don’t you want your child to ‘be like you’? - Sometimes these questions come loaded with caste/religion superiority, obsession with one’s genes, traditional mindsets that blood is blood. But sometimes, they also come from a place of pure curiosity or learning.
And to celebrate November, which is the official Adoption Awareness Month, I decided to indulge this pure curiosity that many folks hold and spoke to a bunch of adoptive parents to understand their motivation behind this choice.
Why did you choose this path of building a family?
For some, the acceptance and knowledge of adoption started much earlier in their lives- even before they thought of having their own families.
T (42,Bengaluru), grew up in a remote area with parents working in non-profits. In their immediate circle, there was a nearly 50/50 ratio of biological to adopted kids who were all homeschooled together. Adoption was normalised from a very young age, and was always a way to start a family in their mind.
“My mother was the center of my universe and I was hers”- says S (43,Pune). At the age of 13, S learnt that there exist children who do not have mothers, who do not experience this love.
So even before deciding what career path to walk, S made up their mind to adopt a baby girl and give them the love that every child deserves.
Many of these parents with whom I interacted had their priorities clear early on, and when potential partners came their way, they were duly informed and onboarded with the decision to adopt. These are families that have come together with thought and deliberation, and a lot of introspection and clarity.
For many of us, though, yours truly included, adoption came by chance, almost like the hand of God guiding us. An inspirational documentary we saw, an aspiring colleague we had, or a random article on the internet opened our eyes to this beautiful choice.
In the 12th year of my professional life, I met a wonderful colleague who had two adoptive children. I remember learning about adoption for the first time from her. She and her family are probably the strongest, most loving family unit I have ever met, and hearing her talk about her children switched on a light bulb for me. I, the one forever sitting on the fence about children, suddenly felt like this was a choice for me too?
And that’s how our furry family of four expanded to a fifth fuzzy one.
It is equally heartwarming that for many of us, our career choices led us on this path.
When S (34, Bengaluru) became a teacher and stepped into a classroom, their understanding of what it meant to be a responsible adult to children was enhanced. They say- “Teaching these children and spending time in their homes,made me realise its I who has found a home in their lives. It gave me an opportunity to be the closest I can ever be with children that are not mine biologically, and for whom I am responsible, in whose lives I am an influential adult, almost as influential as their parents. I found myself loving them and letting them love me. This experience also taught me a lot about why I want to be a parent at all in the first place.” S has always been clear about adoption, and this experience cemented the immense value they saw in this way of life.
For P (34, Hyderabad) and M(32, Hyderabad), exposure to the world as they wandered through adulthood was a learning into the various ways in which families come together.
Realising that boundaries are what we set, and hence have the power to dissolve, opened their eyes to choosing a path for themselves.
P says, “The major reason for choosing adoption was the blurring of lines between what it means to adopt a child vs procreation. Both of us have been associated with the non-profit sector for some time. Working with children opened up questions about how different it is to love a child who is not biologically yours. It is a boundary, and our friends gave varied versions of why those boundaries exist (reproduction as a genetic purpose, mimetic desire etc) and many are valid reasons. However, for us, once the boundary fell and we realised we could provide the same love and affection to any child whom we raise, the answer was straightforward. Further to it was the learning and understanding on how parenting and social systems can support any child (again blurring the nature vs nurture debate).”
Like A(32, Delhi) beautifully summarises this organic desire that many of us, especially those who work with children in our professional roles, feel. “There was no single trigger event, to be honest, that led us to adoption. The desire to adopt came very organically for us, fuelled by the belief that there is not one single path to parenting and that every child deserves love and a loving family. And working with children quite early in our careers reinforced that belief”
Medical reasons that limit people’s ability to have biological children lead many young couples towards adoption, too. When I put out this call, many painful stories of failed IVF, tired bodies, mental challenges associated with this intrusive procedure and financial burden poured in. Add to it the stress this continuous cycle of treatment adds to your marriage.
D (43, Delhi) shares their journey as a millennial couple moving across cities, their tryst with IVF and all its associated burden.
“I married at 28 and was in no rush to start a family, I loved my work, friends, and independence. The first three years of our arranged marriage were tough; constant fights meant family planning wasn’t even a thought. Then my husband was transferred, I quit my job to join him and give the relationship one last shot—and thankfully, it worked.
But losing my career, my city, and my independence took a toll. We moved again, and at 37 finally felt ready to become parents. We tried for six months with no luck. A doctor suggested IVF, and that’s when I first learned how much age mattered.
What followed were multiple IUI and IVF cycles, two rounds interrupted by COVID, and nearly three years of hospitals, injections, and isolation. I was exhausted—emotionally, physically, financially. When the doctor finally said, “We’ve done all we can; now it’s in God’s hands,” something in me shifted. If it was truly in God’s hands, why was I suffering so much?
I stopped treatment, even when surrogacy and donor options were pushed at us. Instead, we turned toward adoption. We read everything we could, cried through other people’s stories, focused on rebuilding our health and finances, and registered to be adoptive parents.”
It’s not only the women who suffer. G (36, Navi Mumbai) worked for several years as an X-ray baggage scanner service engineer. Over time, due to the prolonged exposure to radiation, their reproductive health, including sperm count and quality, was impacted. Rather than letting this hold them back from having a family, they decided that adoption was the best and most meaningful path for them.
Whether triggered by science and serendipity, wonderful are the choices made!
There is so much to be written about how, for several people, including folks who remain unmarried, or are separated or widowed, for same-sex couples, or for people building families with friends, Adoption remains the most inclusive way of welcoming children into your life. The adoption process in India is painfully long and full of little annoyances and hurdles that the Government setups offer, but there is no denying that the system acknowledges the human need of being a nurturer and does not distinguish between who gets to be a parent.
Irrespective of where you come from, or how much you earn, or which community you belong to, or what constitutes family for you, adoption is a way for everyone to open their lives and homes for little humans, completing each other in the process.
Adoption in India is regulated by the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA), the government body that ensures the entire process is ethical, transparent, and child-centred.
You register on the CARA website, go through a home study with an authorised agency, and then wait your turn in a centralised queue—no middlemen, no backdoors, just a fair system for everyone.
Once you’re matched with a child who’s legally cleared for adoption, you review the details, say yes from the heart, and then complete the legal process in the district court. After that, there are a few post-adoption follow-ups to make sure the child is doing well.
The wait can test your patience, but the process is designed to protect children and support families. Also, several groups exist that can support you through this journey. Check out the following resources that can be helpful to guide you and hold your hand when the wait seems too long:
This piece deserves to be wrapped up with this beautiful thought shared with me by V (44, Mumbai) on why they chose adoption as a way of life. (keep a tissue handy)
“We chose adoption because it asked something deeper —courage to love without expectation, courage to show up for a child whose world had already shifted too many times, and courage to believe that parenthood is not measured by DNA, but by presence. When we finally became parents through adoption, we understood that some families are born from the body, and some from bravery. Ours was born from both our scars and our hope, stitched together the moment we chose each other.”
The dawn of my life!
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